Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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