I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
