She's JV to your varsity
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
