A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I think I sprained my soul last night
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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