toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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