I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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