i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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