Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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