MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
