I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
