So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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