last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
