if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Randomize
