hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
