Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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