the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
