WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize