after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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