I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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