Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
