i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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