Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
