I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
