i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize