Cold hands, warm shart.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
