I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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