you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
