I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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