Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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