TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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