You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
