she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
