Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
