Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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