two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
