DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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