she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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