i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
this will be a night to untag.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
