I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
