Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
