Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
