it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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