My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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