were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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