Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
