sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
