...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
