don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
