I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize