Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
