It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
