I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Randomize
