and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize