I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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