i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
