Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
