I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
