no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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