My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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