literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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