Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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