i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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