Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
