I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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