Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
