im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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