Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
