I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
