I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
