Your tits are I can't wait for
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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