I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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