guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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