I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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